I have travelled through my life, with a lot of verve,energy,passion and high speed.This is with reference to how others,saw it.In my case, I was trying to do "something" all these years.I have started asking this question now to myself,what was I seeking ?All of us, are a victim of our own up bringing.Our insecurities also get transplanted inadvertantly through our parents into us,and we start living that life.So, in so many words, we do not lead our life,but a tranplanted one.Education gives us courage to think independantly.The same well meaning parents, who have passed on their insecurities onto us, put us in a good Schhol and college so that we do well.A good School, helps your confidence a lot.You are surrounded by confident boys and girls,confident teachers,and there is a huge learning.This is a second transplantation ,which happens.If you miss out on a good School, your insecurities stay in your system.You would have to deal with it later in your life.
In my case,I was lucky to start performing in my work life early.Got a number of breaks, and I started taking more risks.I was enjoying it.I could allow my mind to fly,as the environment in HCL,allowed me to do so, and I grew instantly.But then,so did my risk,and the expectations on me.
When I got on to my own completely,I was by then trying to deal with the myth which surrounded me.So on one side I had the passion and the creative instincts to pursue my convictions, on the other,I had to respond to the enormous challenges my value system pressurised me on, to deliver and live as per norms stated by them.There were huge contradictions in them.But I was driven to perform.So, perhaps I did what was almost impossible to do.The contradictions were taken in me physically and absorbed through my mind and body,and the physiological system had to deal with it. Society continued to get performance from me,and I continued to be reverred, respected, and valued,because of the freshness and creative dimensions,I brought in.
But in the midst of all this,came the news of the impending damage I would have caused to my body and the metabolic system.The contradictions have taken a toll,and I needed to fix my system clinically,to be ready to fight again.It did bring in a very vital question in my mind. Why am I doing, what I am doing ?why do I have to respond to the expectations all the time?Whom am i doing this for ?Haven't I already given to the society enough to digest,absorb,and assimilate?
So, now, with the so called success in the corporate world which I have undoubtedly achieved,my inner self questions me continously,that, is it time for me, to let go and bask in the glory of fresh rains, cold water, and soothing music, and live in it for the rest of my life.
Can I do that ?That is the question in the minds of my 1000s of well wishers.They all want me to do that,as they all care for me,but its upto me,they say.
